Raising Boys

Last month our agency- in collaboration with Alpine County Behavioral Health- presented materials from "Raising Cain: The Inner Lives of America's Boys" co-authored by renowned child psychologists Dan Kindlon, Ph.D. There is also a film "Raising Cain: the Inner LIves of America's Boys" which premiered on PBS in 2006 and is hosted by Dr. Thompson.

Is raising a boy different than raising a girl?

We pulled out only a few points of a very rich 120 minute film:

• Boys are more emotionally vulnerable than girls but we tend to focus more on their greater physical activity than their greater need for emotional feedback.  Boys have as much of an emotional life as girls and we cannot ignore that need. Help boys develop an emotional vocabulary and acknowledge their feelings. 
• Physical aggression in humans peaks at age 2 in both boys and girls but wanes at a slower rate in boys than in girls. Boys need your help learning that violence is not acceptable way of solving problems. Help them talk about what intense emotions led to the clash and look for solutions.
• Dr. Thompson shows us video footage from a preschool in Japan where children are given opportunities to resolve conflicts with each other. The goal of preschool in Japan is stated "To learn how to be a member of a group." Older boys in preschool in Japan are given roles as helpers with younger children in order to help them develop empathy. Boys need to have opportunities to take care of younger children and pets and show affection. 
• Boys tend to create stories about conflict and violence opposed to girls who often create stories about friendship and family. Dr. Thompson says there is a difference between imagined violence an real violence and acknowledges that is is a fine balance between stifling boys imaginations and being cognizant of fantasy violence that is over the line. Limit boys exposure to violence on television and video games but allow boys a creative outlet (writing, stories, art) to express strong emotions in a safe way. 
• 70% of the D's and F's given out in U.S. schools are given to boys. They need more physical activity throughout the day- PE, recess, lunch, snack time. Boys are three times more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than girls and 85% of the world's stimulant medication is prescribed to American boys. Boys can be bullied by other boys for being smart especially in poverty where academic success can be seen as unmanly. Show boys being smart is valued and since boys have their own way of learning ensure accommodations are made for them to help them obtain academic success. 
• When boys enter puberty they begin to value friends over family. Boys can be harsher than family will be which Dr. Thompson names "the culture of cruelty" The desire to belong can lead children to bully in order to feel accepted and save themselves from bullying. One in four boys is bullied in school. Boys need to find their identity and friends who are supportive of that identity. Parents need to stay connected by sharing  a common interest or sharing the son's interest. Boys gain the respect of their peers through mastery of skills that other boys appreciate. Help boys find their niche by nurturing their "spark". 
• Boys need positive male role models in their life to model the many ways to be a man: responsible, caring and emotionally available. Provide boys models of men who are responsible, caring and express their emotions in positive ways. 

To view the film in its entirety......
Raising Cain: Exploring the Inner Lives of Boys