Raising Girls

This month our agency hosted a workshop "Girlwise: Exploring the Lives of American Girls" in collaboration with Alpine County Behavioral Health. During this workshop, our Parent Educator Carol Ledesma shared some information about brain studies which revealed the differences between girls' and boys' brains.

In the womb, a baby girl is bathed in large amount of estrogen in the womb. For boys, the womb bathes them in testosterone. These chemicals hard-wire their brains even before birth. Girls have more synapses (active pathways for brain signals) than boys and girls use both sides of the brain for language, where boys mainly access synapses for language on one side of their brain. Girls also tend to develop fine motor skills sooner than boys. With the increased brain connections for language and greater strength in fine motor, girls tend to be better readers and writers than boys. On the down side, girls tend to have lower spatial awareness skills, when compared to boys, for tasks like building structures. Girls are more sensitive to tone of voice and volume and talk more freely about their feelings than boys. Girls are also wired during flight or fight to flee rather than fight so asserting themselves may be a challenge.

Now that we described some of the general differences between boys and girls and their brain development, it is important to note that not all girls or boys will fit these stereotypes and certainly not for each category. However, it is important to notice some of these general traits associated with girls in order to create an environment that sets them up for success despite (or in addition to) what nature started them out with.

According to Mary Pipher the author of Reviving Ophelia be sure their needs are being met.
She asks you to think of the girls in your life and ask....
"Do they feel good about themselves?"
"Do they have one or two close friends that truly care about them?
"Does she have useful skills that she enjoys using?"
"Does she have the ability to defend herself?" (not necessarily physical)
"Does she have the ability to deal with stress in a positive way?"

The following are tips for raising a powerful girl but many will translate to all children so we divided them into two categories.

For all of your children:

• Involve them in making family decisions.
• Model the qualities you wish your children to have. Fathers can model qualities for daughters and mothers can model qualities for sons. There need not be a division among genders between parent and child. 
• Make regular time to connect with each of your children and listen more than you talk during this time.
• Encourage them to solve problems on their own rather than jumping in and rescuing them. 

More specifically for girls:

• Encourage her to take physical risks, pushing just a bit beyond her comfort zone each time.
• Encourage your daughter to join a group of girls to learn how to work together. This could be a team or club such as Girls Scouts or 4H.
• Help them deal with conflicts with other girls in constructive ways rather than resorting to or tolerating gossip, rumors and group exclusion.
• Let your daughter know you love her for who she is and be sure to give her positive comments on traits, attributes and character rather than her appearance.
• Allow your daughter to disagree with you and to show anger. She will need to be able to do this in the future, in other settings so give her guidance on how to disagree and express strong emotions in appropriate ways. 
• Continually address inequities in how girls and women are portrayed in the media with your daughter. Media messages about women can be very powerful, especially without your guidance. 

Give them no limits when it comes to their potential.

Polymer Clay Charms

This is a great activity for school age children. We had a 7 year old boy helping us with this project.

You will need:
polymer clay- we used Sculpey
a small cutter - any shape
items to make impressions
small thin object to make holes for string
baking sheet and oven
string

We purchased a variety pack of Sculpey at our local craft store for less than $8. (There are other brands of oven hardening polymer clay.)

To make impressions used plastic, shaped beads, a metal screen and a metal stamping set to make impressions. You can use anything you have on hand. Rubber stamps would make great impressions as well.

We found a small round cap in our "found" objects bin that was between 1/2" and 3/4" in diameter. You could choose any shape cutter. Roll a piece of clay out about 1/8" to 1/4" thick and cut out your shape. It is best to roll all charms at near even thickness for baking.

"C' impression with our metal stamp.

We used a paint splatter screen. 

Spell out a name.

If you get some thicker pieces, just take the thinner pieces out earlier and bake the thick ones a bit longer. We baked ours for 10 minutes at 275 degrees Fahrenheit.

We didn't make our holes very big, so we needed a thin string. Keep in mind what string you will be using and make the holes a bit larger as they will shrink a bit during baking.

We made red, white and blue stars for a great patriotic necklace!

Raising Boys

Last month our agency- in collaboration with Alpine County Behavioral Health- presented materials from "Raising Cain: The Inner Lives of America's Boys" co-authored by renowned child psychologists Dan Kindlon, Ph.D. There is also a film "Raising Cain: the Inner LIves of America's Boys" which premiered on PBS in 2006 and is hosted by Dr. Thompson.

Is raising a boy different than raising a girl?

We pulled out only a few points of a very rich 120 minute film:

• Boys are more emotionally vulnerable than girls but we tend to focus more on their greater physical activity than their greater need for emotional feedback.  Boys have as much of an emotional life as girls and we cannot ignore that need. Help boys develop an emotional vocabulary and acknowledge their feelings. 
• Physical aggression in humans peaks at age 2 in both boys and girls but wanes at a slower rate in boys than in girls. Boys need your help learning that violence is not acceptable way of solving problems. Help them talk about what intense emotions led to the clash and look for solutions.
• Dr. Thompson shows us video footage from a preschool in Japan where children are given opportunities to resolve conflicts with each other. The goal of preschool in Japan is stated "To learn how to be a member of a group." Older boys in preschool in Japan are given roles as helpers with younger children in order to help them develop empathy. Boys need to have opportunities to take care of younger children and pets and show affection. 
• Boys tend to create stories about conflict and violence opposed to girls who often create stories about friendship and family. Dr. Thompson says there is a difference between imagined violence an real violence and acknowledges that is is a fine balance between stifling boys imaginations and being cognizant of fantasy violence that is over the line. Limit boys exposure to violence on television and video games but allow boys a creative outlet (writing, stories, art) to express strong emotions in a safe way. 
• 70% of the D's and F's given out in U.S. schools are given to boys. They need more physical activity throughout the day- PE, recess, lunch, snack time. Boys are three times more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than girls and 85% of the world's stimulant medication is prescribed to American boys. Boys can be bullied by other boys for being smart especially in poverty where academic success can be seen as unmanly. Show boys being smart is valued and since boys have their own way of learning ensure accommodations are made for them to help them obtain academic success. 
• When boys enter puberty they begin to value friends over family. Boys can be harsher than family will be which Dr. Thompson names "the culture of cruelty" The desire to belong can lead children to bully in order to feel accepted and save themselves from bullying. One in four boys is bullied in school. Boys need to find their identity and friends who are supportive of that identity. Parents need to stay connected by sharing  a common interest or sharing the son's interest. Boys gain the respect of their peers through mastery of skills that other boys appreciate. Help boys find their niche by nurturing their "spark". 
• Boys need positive male role models in their life to model the many ways to be a man: responsible, caring and emotionally available. Provide boys models of men who are responsible, caring and express their emotions in positive ways. 

To view the film in its entirety......
Raising Cain: Exploring the Inner Lives of Boys